Friday, 11 December 2015

Christmas School Run Mum Hacks ('Tis the season to be jolly...)

Or at least jolly disorganised if you are anything like me.

Christmas time at Primary Schools is a massive admin and diary based nightmare in which I often get caught out because I don't own a diary.  Ahem.  In fact, its almost easier to try and remember the days when your kids don't have to bring something, dress as something or participate in something.  I find it all a bit full on. But every year, somehow, we all manage to survive these school shenanigans only for me to go and forget all the relevant dates/requests the following year.

So behold, my guide on how to ace Christmas time end of term madness when you have Primary School aged children without even trying... (but only because I haven't).

Christmas Play Costumes

There is no point in me saying that home made costumes are better.  Everybody knows that shop bought is the way to go.  But what if you forget have a last minute costume dilemma?  What if there is a run on Angels in Asda or Donkeys in Home Bargains?  What if this leaves you in an empty handed panic?

Enter my old friend the Sharpie pen.  You know that Easter bunny headband that lies discarded at the bottom of the dressing up box?  Well, coloured in with the friendly Sharpie and there you have a very bad Donkey costume.  Need and Angel?  Just get some tinsel and wrap your child up thoroughly (honestly, they love it).  This also works well for a Star of Bethlehem or Kings, Queens, basically anything that requires some sparkly shit. #tinselandsharpiesftw

This is going to totally work...

Alternatively just wrap your child up in tinsel

Christmas Play tickets

Ah the eternal dilemma, do you go for the opening night and get it out of the way? Or, the final night by which time even the teachers are so bored that they've edited the four hour long spectacular down to a swift 45 minutes, so that they can get home in time for Eastenders?  There's your answer right there.  Also remember there is no bar. #lastnightisthebestnight

School Christmas Dinner

According to the many pages of school email admin I am supposed to have booked this last week.  I haven't obvs.  And so, there are no more turkey dinners left to be sold (something to do with placing orders with a butcher).  Shame.  This doesn't mean I can dodge sitting on one of those tiny plastic chairs in the school hall to eat dinner with the kids.  As I have mentioned before on this blog, I really rather enjoy doing this.

So, the vegetarian option is the only one left.  This would usually disappoint me but the one main advantage of a roasted vegetable parcel over "turkey" is that it comes fully heated.  I will be smiling as I tuck into my lovely hot meal while other parents shudder as they force down the cold turkey (ham) covered in tepid gravy.  Sometimes being disorganised really does pay off.

Charitable School Donations

Last week was Jam Jar Week. (WTF?) Bring in a jar filled with anything for the school fair.  Anything?  Really? So my husband helpfully suggested "fresh air" and the ten year old added, "What about farts?".  It's a good job one of us is sensible, and I'm absolutely sure the kids didn't mind the fact that there will be no chocolate coins in their stockings because Mummy used them to fill a jam jar for school.

Present for Teacher

A chance to get my own back for all the junk models, millions of scribbles on paper pictures and the bastard class bear that have all made it home to ours.  This is the only time the glitter should come out for crafting activities - the more glittery the better really.  After all, who doesn't love a nice handmade gift?

Just kidding.

You think I've actually got time for all that?  Pahahahaha...

Maybe I'll wish her a Merry Christmas instead.

It's payback time...

There is of course a moral to this tale.  Maybe I'll make it a New Year's resolution in fact.  Something that will give me the ability to be like all the slick well prepared School Rum Mums.  Never flustered, always with the appropriate donation to hand, always on time.  OK, one step at a time...

But next year I fully intend to buy myself a diary.

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