Friday, 4 September 2015

School - the inevitabilities of the first week back

I know, it's a catchy title, but it's the end of the first week back at school and my brain is a bit frazzled so what do you expect?  After all the preparations during the final few weeks of the holidays, followed by the relief as the doors to the classrooms opened once more I hoped I'd be feeling more relaxed by now.

But there are things that I've come to realise always happen at the end of this week every year, no matter how much you think they won't, or how much you try to avoid them.

These are the inevitabilities of the first week of term.

School jumpers labelled or otherwise will be sucked into the vortex of lost property never to be seen again.  

You've hemorrhaged squillions of pounds on buying gold embroidered, diamond encrusted Cash's name tapes (complete with a picture of a train/fairy on).  They should be safe from the lost property box, shouldn't they?  I mean, what idiot can't see the lovingly hand stitched name on the inside of the collar of every piece of clothing your child owns?  The answer here is nobody because nobody ever checks these things.  Everything ends up in that box.  There is simply no point in sewing until your fingers bleed to ensure uniform never goes astray because it always does.  But then, next year you think, well maybe?  Maybe I'll just label the important stuff?  I mean, those name tapes cost a fortune and they'll only go to waste otherwise.  You'll never learn.

£120 worth of school shoes will be scuffed to ribbons courtesy of the school playground.  

Listen, I'm on top of the whole school shoe thing. Just two weeks ago I was victorious in my quest to exit Clarks with my sanity/dignity (but not my bank balance) intact.  Nothing could go wrong.  The shoes were polished and photos taken of the kids as they proudly wore them on their first day back.  And then, as they came running out of the classroom at the end of the day, there they were.  Marks, scuffs where there should have been black leather.  Scars on their beautiful new shoes.  Why can't they just stop climbing things and falling over?  Even for just one day? I shouldn't be so bothered, but I am.

Just stop falling over, will you? *sob*

There will be a nit warning letter from at least one class.

Of course.  Just to ruin your Friday night.

The teenagers will bring home letters detailing three overpriced foreign holidays amazing once in a life time opportunities, totalling over £1000.

Erm, they don't even have passports and are not studying French/Art/Geography for GCSE, so why are the school even asking?  Oh, if you haven't fainted or died laughing at the preposterousness of that then you'll also discover that £40 worth of primary school trips will need paying for by next week as well.  Oh well, it's only money...

If your child's school jumpers make it home then they will be covered in whiteboard marker pen.

It probably won't come off either.  You can attempt stain removal once you've finished the nit check.  Good luck with that.

One of the teenagers will have forgotten to write their homework into their planner.

It's a new planner FFS!  You've had it for less than a week.  What do you mean you didn't have a pen?  I bought a box of fifty from Amazon last week!  Well, if you can't do the homework you'll just have to do the detention and no I won't come and pick you up afterwards.  *head explodes*

One day he'll get it, you think, one day...

You still haven't started redecorating the hallway.

I promised myself I'd do it before the summer holidays.  Then I promised that I'd start it the minute the kids all went back.  I do this every year.  But then, maybe I'll just leave it.  One day distressed paintwork may actually be a thing.  Plus, I'm sure there must be a new series of Judge Rinder on soon.  I just won't have the time.

Every year these things happen.  Every year it is just the same.

*Adds stain devil, a nit comb and a lottery ticket to shopping list*

*and Gin*


  1. This made me laugh. I can so relate, especially to the homework planner and pen thing. My second child has just started secondary and I'm really hoping he will turn out to be better organised than his brother - the brother who set off for school without a tie and found a full lunchbox in his bag after 7 weeks of holidays!

    1. Argh, I feel your pain! What is is with teens and forgetting things eh? They drive me bonkers! x

  2. hahaha! We had the nit letter today and my girl has scuffed her shoes! Ugh! lol

    1. See, these things always happen. They are impossible to avoid I tell you! x

  3. I remember having a good moan last year because the supply list for back to school was as long as my arm! We even had to buy supplies for the teachers! Talk about cheek! So this year, I just knew I'd be poor! And the school trips... aye aye aye.. Why should kids get a holiday without their parents!!?!! :)
    Tammy x

    1. The school trip letters actually make me feel a bit sick - mine know not to ask these days! x


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