Thursday, 17 September 2015

Five reasons why I'd like to be Mummy Pig

I reached a defining moment in my parenting career earlier this week.

It wasn't the usual sort of defining moment, like witnessing first steps or applying for a place at school (although as it goes, I've done that one this week too).

No.  This week I finally unfollowed Peppa Pig on Facebook.

It's been a while since the twins watched Milkshake in the mornings and to be honest, having the porcine one appearing in my news feed every day had become a bit annoying.  It was time.

But, as I clicked the unlike button it made me a little sad.  Sad, because despite how irritating I've found Peppa and friends there is also a character who I've admired and come to envy.

She puts up with Peppa's whining without going totally insane, and George's tantrums and despite being married to Daddy Pig she always seems so cheerful.

I mean, who wouldn't want to be just like Mummy Pig?

Here are five reasons why her life is quite a bit nicer than mine:

1.  There is NO MINECRAFT in the world of Mummy Pig.  For anyone that does not have to deal with this computer gaming phenomenon on a daily basis (and my god you are lucky) Minecraft is like crack cocaine for school aged children.  It is also 99% of the reasons why my children argue.  But Mummy Pig is lucky.  Her life does not contain Minecraft.  Instead Peppa and George play something called Happy Mrs Chicken, where a chicken lays eggs on the computer screen.  This is good, because nobody can kill each other or get blown up by a creeper or whatever.  AND, they all laugh while playing it.

2.  I wash at least one load of clothes a day.  Mummy Pig hardly ever seems to do any laundry (maybe its something to do with the fact that she once dyed Daddy Pig's football shirt pink).  Everyone wears the same outfit day after day and so no huge washing pile ever gets generated.  I'd really like to know how she managed to persuade everyone that this was a good idea.  I also wonder how she's going to cope once Peppa hits the teenage years (and maybe gets a piggy boyfriend) - teenage girls change their outfits every five minutes, never mind when they are trying to impress a boy!  But for now I'm just really envious of her lack of washing pile.

3.  My twins share a bedroom.  Peppa and George share a bedroom.  At no point in the time I've had to watch Peppa Pig have I seen the two siblings fight over sharing.  I have also never heard Mummy Pig yell at them tell them to be quiet or stop hitting/biting/kicking each other or hiding each other's things. *sigh*

4.  Mummy Pig has no Facebook to distract her (which begs the question, why is her daughter taking over mine?).  She never has to put up with Mrs Rabbit telling the world how Rebecca has "Star of the Week" at school again, or Mrs Sheep adding 872 photos of the school picnic to the duck pond when she went as a parent helper.  This is probably a good thing, bearing in mind that whiny annoying Peppa is never likely to get "Star of the Week" anyway.  Mummy Pig at least doesn't have to be reminded of how perfect everyone else's kids are and what a terrible parent she is for never volunteering on school trips.  I would quite like this myself.

5.  Mummy Pig has amazingly thin legs.  It is probably because of all the hills where she lives.  Walking up and down them must be such good exercise.  I live in Cheshire (which has a plain, nice and flat you see).  *looks down at wobbly thighs*

I won't miss Peppa, but Mummy Pig I will always have a soft spot for.

On the whole I think I'd quite like to swap places with her for a bit.

Apart from one reason.

I couldn't ever give up bacon sandwiches.

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