Wednesday, 29 July 2015


I've reached a bit of a crossroads just recently. After 15 years as a stay at home mum I have suddenly realised that I'm bored.  Something is missing.

Stay at home mum? I hear you say.  The dream, surely?

Well yes, I have enjoyed my time at home raising children, immeasurably, but no, not the dream.  Not at all.

You see, this was only supposed to be temporary.  Maternity leave in late 2000 and then back to work.

DS1 was very ill when he was born.  So ill that I decided I just couldn't leave him.  After weeks of sitting by his bedside praying for him not to die, why on earth wouldn't I want to spend all the time I could with him?  I didn't want to hand him over to a stranger just so that I could go and sit in an office missing him.  So.  I didn't.

I appreciate I was very lucky that we could afford to do that.  I didn't give a second thought to my career.  Instead I suppose you could say that I protected myself with more babies, more time.

And then?

Twins.  Redundancy.  Belt tightening.  (No different to anyone else really)

We are treading water.  It isn't a terrible position to be in, but with five children at school I could be doing so much more with my time.  Going back to work would benefit my whole family, not just me.

"But Mummies don't work!"  Says my daughter.  She is five and I've already set an example.  The wrong example.  Guilt.

I want her to be proud of me.  I want to be more than a mummy.  I want another title too.

So here I am.  On paper well qualified.  Willing, but out of practice.

Applying for jobs has moved on so much in the last 15 years and I'm caught like a rabbit in the headlights.

Where on earth do I begin?  Flitting from website to website.  There are jobs I know I could do but then there's that pesky gap in my CV.  

Who am I kidding?  It isn't a gap, it's a chasm.  

And anyway, what if I'm not good enough?  What if nobody wants me?

What if I'm looking at the wrong sort of jobs?

I need that man from the Reed advert to crash through my ceiling, point at me and shout "beekeeper!" or something*.

I know this isn't going to be instant, I know that it isn't going to be easy, but I also know that I'm going to need some help.

I just hope I haven't left it too late.

* I don't want to be a beekeeper, a more office based role will do.


  1. Once they met you the job would be yours, it's getting through the door. Along with all your qualifications and experience tell them that you blog & review products that's a bit different on a CV.
    Good luck, hope you find something fab. x

    1. Thank you, that's a kind thing to say. I haven't mentioned my blogging at all - not sure why. You are right though, it's the getting through the door in the first place that's hard, especially when I have nothing much to say about the last 15 years *sigh*

  2. I think potential employers over there are much more forgiving about those "gaps" than they are over here. There is still a horrendously unfair stigma here that stay at home moms are "just lazy and don't want to work." I plan to go back to work when my youngest starts school (3-4 years) and I'm hoping that obtaining 2 degrees, my internships, and volunteering will look good to fill in my gap because it's basically unaccepted here (well, if you want to work anywhere other than fast food and such). Good luck to you - keep us updated!

    1. Thanks Shannon. I think that its becoming a bit of a stigma here too now, especially after the recent budget (we've got to all be "hard working families" now!). Its a bit complicated compared to when I was younger as I need to make sure any job I do apply for isn't too far from home/school because of commuting time - they are out there but it is a much more daunting task than I first thought unfortunately.

  3. I understand completely! I have been off work for four years, but even that feels like a lifetime. I have been updating my c.v. too.... time will tell!

    1. It will won't it? I'm going to spend the holidays revamping mine (again) and then once the kids are back in school I'll be able to make a more concerted effort to find something.

  4. I think you'd be a great bee keeper and we need more so don't dismiss it completely :) I'd reallyencourage you to mention blogging. Demonstrates your writing skills, design, marketing, consistency, communication and all round awesomeness.

    1. Aww, thanks :) I think I'm going to have to incorporate it into my cv somewhere. In an ideal world I'd have a job that used my writing skills so,it makes sense to include it, you are right! :)


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