You see, the older he becomes the more I realise that he is no longer a child, he is becoming a young man (and don't I sound just like my mother when I say that? Urgh.).
The thing is, the teen, how can I put this? Is challenged somewhat in the life skills department.
I'm not blaming him. I've been waiting on him hand and foot for nearly 15 years after all. Totally my fault really.
And so, I thought that now it might be time to set him on the right path. Any future daughter in law (or indeed, son in law, I have no clue which) may thank me for this one day.
I present to you, dear reader, perhaps the most un-pinnable summer holiday bucket list ever*...
My dearest teen,
The summer holidays are the perfect time to learn something new. We all know that you have plans to move to the other side of the world
as far away from your family as possible one day. But, what can I say? I'm your mother and I worry that I have ill prepared you for your future. So, this summer I intend to teach you the following skills:
1. Boiling kettles. They don't do this themselves (or fill themselves up for that matter). If you want your own hot chocolate it's time to learn how it's done. Once you've mastered this one then think of the possibilities! Tea, coffee or even pot noodle! The list is endless...
2. Putting things in the recycling. Particularly the rubbish on your bedroom floor. By the way? Things you can't be bothered to put away properly (e.g. school books) don't go in the recycling!
3. Clothes that you need the following day? If they aren't clean then now is the time to ask me whether you, YES YOU, can use the washing machine to clean them yourself. Don't worry, I'll teach you.
4. The dishwasher. It doesn't load itself. Includes memorising the location of the dishwasher tablets and the ON button.
5. Mastering relocation of stray socks into the laundry system. This forms part of the general picking your sh*t up off the floor and putting it where it's supposed to be skill set.
6. Staying connected. Learning to turn your phone ON and maintaining battery power so we can call you. We worry you know...
7. Reading the classics. You have a reading list this summer. It would be good if you could read and absorb the information within the pages. It's a proven way to pass those pesky exams that are standing in your way to becoming the best gamer of all time. Or whatever.
8. Want toast? Excellent! Let's learn how to toast bread and butter it without causing a major kitchen catastrophe. #WhyIsThereJamAllOverTheKitchenFloor
9. Making your own bed without the need for nagging. Learning that the clean sheets replace the dirty ones, they do not go over the top of them.
10. Folding towels 101. How to use and then fold and hang them back on the towel rail (named for a reason) following a bath or shower. Includes symmetrical folding and the ability to see whether they need a wash instead of depositing on the bathroom floor.
This is your starter for ten. Ace this lot and I may also include making your own lunch, dusting your bedroom, and the art form otherwise known as vacuuming.
Happy summer holidays! As you can see there are plenty of life-enriching activities to complete while not at school. Don't get bored now ;)
* A handy star chart may be added soon! Although I'm not really very good at graphics...