Thursday, 12 March 2015

Mother's Day Guarantee

Ah, it's nearly Mothering Sunday. The day when mothers everywhere are appreciated for all the things that they do via the medium of overpriced cards and gifts.

When I became a mum I remember thinking how exciting my first Mother's Day was going to be - brainwashed by the adverts on daytime TV I was convinced that I'd be showered with gifts by my adoring offspring.  Back then I didn't realise that it would end up being such a non event in this house nobody except us mums actually watch those kinds of advert.

I suppose I might get a card or two (if anyone remembers) but treat mum to something lovely this Mother's Day?

Not ruddy likely.

Instead, the following sums up my Mothering Sunday timetable.

1.  I will get woken up at 6.30 am.  Even if I get a lie in the two smallest will wake me up anyway.  My lie in will consist of listening to DH marshalling the breakfast proceedings downstairs and wondering if any of my cutlery and crockery will survive to be used again another day.  I will still end up sweeping the kitchen floor of the crumb based aftermath.  

2.  I will get cards made at school which have loads of glittery shit all over the front of them.  The cards themselves will make me happy.  Clearing up the glittery shit for the next fortnight, as I find it embedded into every carpet fibre in the house, will not.

3.  There will be no big presents to unwrap.  Not one.  My husbands excuse is "you are not my mother".  Annoyingly I will realise that he has a point.

4.  I will get at least one hurriedly made "card" which consists of a sheet of A4 lined paper folded in half with a drawing of a flower done in biro on the front. It will almost certainly be from the pre-teen because she has blown all her pocket money and can't really be bothered saving for things.  Actually, if I do get that this year I will consider it a form of flattery as she currently hates me and I am the worst mother ever (smartphone, tablet and iPod all currently confiscated until she learns some manners).

5.  At around half past three in the afternoon DH and a selection of children will "just pop to the shops" before they close. They will return with a bag (probably Home Bargains) containing some reduced price chocolates.  I will feel torn between thinking how nice it is that they've finally bothered and wondering why they think that's all I'm worth.

6.  The teen will surprise me by spending his own money on a £2 bunch of supermarket flowers. This will save the day as I realise that he is finally growing up and does appreciate my mothering skills (like picking up the clothes from his floordrobe and washing his PE kit).  I will Instagram the crap out of those flowers.  From.  Every.  Angle.   If no flowers are forthcoming I will just re-gram the pictures from last year to keep you all guessing.

Look at my flowers, Instagram!

Every angle.

Honestly, it isn't as if I want a Prada handbag (do they even make handbags?  I haven't a clue.  These days my mum wardrobe consists of a mixture of very well washed Seasalt, Boden and M&S with the occasional bit of White Stuff thrown in - I'm so mumsy edgy).

It's just that something nice would be, well, nice.

I'm fed up of people saying that all they expect is a lovely handmade card from their children, we all know those same people really want a present.  As I say, I do like those kind of cards too (the glitter can sod off though).  

With fifteen Mother's Days under my belt I'm just being honest when I say that a thoughtfully bought present, wrapped up before the day would be the ideal in my eyes.

It doesn't have to cost a lot - some cut price chocolates will do I suppose.

After all it's guaranteed to be just like any other Mother's Day here...


  1. I've yet to experience the joys of having to clear up all the glittery stuff from home-made cards although no doubt I have that delight to look forward to. I love the photo of the flowers you got from the teen though - that is lovely :-)

    1. Thanks - those were last year's. I've Instagrammed this year's - a lot ;). xx


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