Thursday, 29 January 2015

A Mother's Revenge

"That's not fair, we never get anything good for dinner!"

Said the teen, as I removed an M&S Dine In for two meal from the fridge, ready for his father and I to eat for our evening meal.

"When I have my own house I'm going to go to M&S to buy my dinner every night".

You might be forgiven for thinking that, given this snippet of information, I am in fact feeding my children scraps from the kitchen bin, or perhaps gruel every night while DH and I live it up at expensive restaurants.  I can confirm however, that on this particular occasion, he had just eaten his own body weight in Pasta Bolognese (at his request because its his favourite) just moments before.  

The teen clearly feels hard done by though, and his plan to exact some kind of revenge on me by affording his weekly shop in Marks and Spencer every week, when for us it is currently a Friday night treat, got me thinking.

What things am I most looking forward to doing as a guest in my grown up children's homes as payback for all that they have done in mine?

1.  Mealtimes

You know when you've just made a nice homemade meal and it has not only taken ages but you have put so much effort into making it for your family?  Well, imagine that only the children are grown up and they've made the meal while you are a guest at their dinner table.  In this situation what I am looking forward to most is picking holes in absolutely everything about it.

"This isn't my favourite"
"There isn't very much"
"What's for afters?"
"Why have you got more than me?"

I may even go for the full on tantrum in the style of DD2... "Yuk!  I'm not eating that!"  complete with tears and a flounce away from the table.

2.  Television

I might just nonchalantly wander through their living rooms and change the channel on the television without asking, or sit in front of them obscuring their view, or play a game on my iPad very loudly when they are trying to watch the football/golf/Judge Rinder.  Lets see how they like it.

3.  Sleep

I've already admitted that my children are pretty good on the sleep front, when they are asleep that is. It's just the whole bedtime routine that's a bit annoying.  I wonder if they would find it equally as annoying if I came downstairs for a drink every ten minutes or if I needed someone to do up my onesie after I'd been to the toilet.  Maybe DH and I will just have a jolly good row from the guest bedroom in the style of DS1 and DS2 until the floor shakes.  Will they too use the immortal line "I'll turn the internet off if you don't calm down and go to bed!" to stop us in our tracks?

4.  Bathrooms

Toothpaste on the walls, wet towels on the floor and I will use up all their bubble bath and open all the new shampoo before the old one is finished (oh and turn the bathroom into a turkish bath like DS1 does).  Will it annoy them as much as all of this annoys me?  Oh, and I won't offer to tidy it all up.  Ever.

5.  Decor

The final straw.  My perfectly decorated living room ceiling was recently spoilt by a tantruming child.  This particular tantrum was so loud and devastating that it made the plaster fall off the ceiling downstairs.  I am slightly bitter about it as you can possibly tell.  Dare I exact the same revenge on any of my children by stamping so hard on the floor in their home so that the nailheads pop through the ceiling?  Dare I? 

My actual ceiling

Revenge could be so sweet but I think on balance that I couldn't even go that far.

Besides I've got ages yet until any of this is likely to happen.

Of course I may never even get the opportunity.  There's a high chance that if any of them ever have children of their own then the grandchildren might beat me to it ;)

The teen is appalled by this.


  1. Hang on to those thoughts, although I have to say that it is actually quite hard to visit your child's home. We have a son who has his own place (with his fiancee) and I feel like I am treading on eggshells. I don't want to cause upset or be seen as a horrible MiL!
    It is even harder staying overnight.

    1. Yikes, I hadn't even thought about the possibility of girlfriends- of course I'd be on my best behaviour then... :)

  2. Ha love it! It is wrong I'm writing this down for future reference ;-)

    1. Not at all, why do you think I keep this blog? My children will either be embarrassed or terrified of me when they grow up ;)

  3. We always said to the oldest 'when you get your own car we're going to switch the radio over every two minutes and make loads of noise when you're driving'. Haha, He never lets us in his car.

    1. Hahaha, that made me laugh- there's a whole other set of things I could do in their cars...

  4. This is brilliant! I am definitely planning on telling my eldest that I only like certain foods at my house and not hers.

    1. Oh absolutely! It's the food thing that irks me the most in fact. Can't wait for a bit of revenge ;)


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