I'm partly excited. Not because I'm getting lots of presents (or any even) or because I might get a slice of Minecraft themed birthday cake (because I have to share with the soon to be 9 year old, not because I like Minecraft). No, excited because, Yay! I'm going to be in my forties at last. The optimist in me says it might be better than I think.
On the flip side I am dreading being 40 because it sounds so old. So grown-up. I don't feel like a grown-up yet. I may have five children and a house and a car and somehow make sure everything that's supposed to happen every day actually happens, but I still haven't decided what I want to be when I grow up. I have a feeling I should have done that by now. I think this might be it. Oh.
I am aware that this probably doesn't make any sense. The truth is this is the third draft of this post (at least) and I'm still not sure what I really want to say. I'm not sure it even matters any more. 40 is just another number after all.
I do know that it will be unlike many of my previous birthdays. I won't be celebrating it while getting through the day clock-watching in a boring office job. It won't be like the one nine years ago where I was 3 days overdue and in early labour for most of the day, culminating in my nether regions being ripped asunder by a 9 lbs 5 oz living breathing projectile. It won't be like the one where DH was about to lose his job for the second time in three years (I bloody hope, I've has enough of the fall out from this recession to last a lifetime). It will be whatever it will be. Probably quieter than in the past. Definitely gin-fuelled. Mostly about DS2 and his presents, cards and cake. How it should be.