Monday, 4 April 2016

Teen-Speak - a Masterclass

Teenagers.  Not happy with spending my money, filling up my laundry basket (when they remember) and eating the contents of my kitchen cupboards, they have also taken it upon themselves to reinvent the English language (because it wasn't good enough for them already?).

It's quite hard communicating with my two, even using the common vernacular, but when they start throwing in all kinds of random words and phrases that I don't understand, it can take ages before I work out what they really mean.  Like some kind of secret code.

So, I thought I'd share the ones that I have managed to de-code so far (seriously, I could use some kind of Turing style enigma code breaker, this has taken me weeks) just in case any other parents out there struggle as much as I do.

This list is by no means exhaustive.  They'll probably change them or make up a whole new language next week...

So I'll start with the easy ones first and work my way up.

Swag

Not those things that people used to put on the tops of curtains in the 90s.  I once had a neighbour whose house was stuffed with swathes of fabric, hanging from every curtain pole in her house.  This is what I think of when people say swag.  But it really isn't anything to do with that if you are a teen. Everyone is swag or swaggy, unless you are over the age of about 25 and then you are probably not swag.  I have no idea what makes people swag, but you either are or you aren't.  And if you aren't then it's not a good thing.

bae

Not James the singer.  Or a tree in your garden.  It is pronounced the same but that's where the similarity ends.  Simply it means "before all else" and typically refers to a loved one or someone you fancy.  You'd think that being a loved one (of sorts) that all parents are bae, but no.  Justin Bieber is bae, parents are not.

Remember, this is BAY and Bieber is BAE

bruh

A sort of a noise that comes out of some teenagers.  Just annoying and has absolutely no purpose whatsoever.  Still don't really know why, probably best to just ignore it like I do, to be honest.

On fleek

On fleek or on point, as in just right, looking good or words to that effect.  "My mascara is on fleek", "my hair is on fleek", "this nailpolish is on fleek", you get the picture.  All about the way you look.  Sentences that are never ever likely to include the words on fleek include:

"Mum, this chicken pie that you have spend all afternoon baking for us is really on fleek"
"Mum, thanks for making the bed today, my room is so on fleek"
"Mum your stripy top and jeans combo is on fleek!"

I am not on fleek.  Nothing I do is on fleek.  It's all about them.  Always.  So self absorbed.  *sniff*

Squad Goals

This one is dead simple.  You have a squad, which is a gang or group of friends and they have goals.  Erm, I've no idea what these goals might be.  Maybe tickets to a Five Seconds of Summer concert?  Or a trip to the Trafford Centre for some new Converse?  Who knows.  Incidentally, who do they all like now that 1D have split up?  I knew where I was with them.  He's a nice lad, that Harry...

Homeslice

Nothing whatsoever to do with Homepride sliced white bread.  Saying things like "I'm just going to use this homeslice to make you a nice sandwich for your lunch, is cheese and pickle OK?" will get you nowhere.  It is not slang for bread.  A homeslice is a person who is like a slice of home to you, like a really really good friend or a sibling (probably one that you don't want to kill or inflict some major torture on because they've been in your bedroom and touched your phone/laptop/dirty socks on the floor). I am a homeslice apparently. I'm so pleased about this that I might even get it printed on a t-shirt.  It's the only form of recognition I've had in months.

NOT a homeslice


Tracks

If someone is abut to go somewhere then they say this.  Not as in "Time to make tracks" but just "tracks".  A complete sentence in itself.  The teenagers have just decided that all the other words that make up the structure of the sentence here are superfluous and that one word is all you need.  It must save an awful lot of energy, which is something that we could all do with from time to time.  I might just start doing that myself in fact, especially when I ask the teens to do things, "EAT!" ,"CLOTHES!", "WASH!".  It gets the message across far quicker, doesn't it? Incidentally, while tracks is used to denote that you are going somewhere, you must never say it when you are only popping to Tesco with your parents.  That is not cool.

Sick

"That is SICK!"  yelled the teen girl last week.  Oh no, I thought.  Who had vommed all over the carpet now? (We've all been a bit ill in the past month).  But apparently nobody had been ill, to my great relief.  It turns out that if something is sick then that means it's good (but not swag, why do so many words they've invented mean the same thing, isn't one word enough?), but not just good, like awesome in fact.  Examples of things that are sick in this house include, the pre-teen's neon orange football boots, some new special edition fantasy game, which includes women in bikini armour with swords and blue hair, that Nintendo have launched, and the pot of sprinkles that I bought last week to decorate biscuits with, which had four different types of sprinkles in.  Although they might have been playing me with that last one.  I honestly can never tell.

So there you have it, a little glimpse into the world of teen-speak.  Remember, there will be at least five minutes for you to learn this until they change it for another group of random words.

Still, I suppose their ability to adapt so easily and master so many uses for the English language might come in handy one day?  They might make excellent MI5 agents for example.  I'll bet government secrets would be completely secure if given to a handful of teenagers to DM each other on Instagram.  Something else nobody understands.

Probably best if we leave them to it...

Tracks.  Homeslice.


Little Hearts, Big Love

37 comments:

  1. Love this! My boys said 'squad goals' about 50 times the other day. It was driving me insane. They don't even use it any sense to mean 'goals' - they just see a group of people and say 'squad goals' and then laugh. I then died a little inside when I saw some actual adults I know had posted a pic on Instagram and labelled it squad goals.
    Everything round here is 'swag' or 'sick'. Except the things that aren't. I never knew bae was an abbreviation of sorts. I'd always assumed it was short for 'babe', which is obviously a word which needs abbreviating as it's so long.

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    1. I feel your pain. I think that when you have one teen they tend to keep themselves to themselves but when you have two under one roof? Never ending streams of drivel come out of their mouths. The pre-teen has also started joining in - I'm wondering when it will ever end tbh! I didn't know there was a hashtag on Instagram. I'm going to have to torture myself by looking now...

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  2. hahaha! I love this! I have learned a lot.
    I thought bae was just babe shortened. lol and I have never heard of Homeslice before...

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    1. Glad to be of help Kim! I really love homeslice - I see it as a term of affection!

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  3. Brilliant! Lesson in teenage talk may help me understand my nephew :)

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  4. So funny! I've got a few years as mine are only 3 and 2 so this will have changed completely of course but still enjoyed learning some swag new words ;-) my favourite being homeslice!

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    1. Thank you! Homeslice is my absolute favourite - I thank my teen daughter for teaching me that one ;)

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  5. Bruh is brother, seems to have extended from brother to bro to bruh.

    And yes I too thought bae was just short for baby or babe, because heaven forbid the extra energy for a consonant should be exerted!

    'Peng' is the latest 'sick' apparently.

    Actually I love their creativity with the English language!

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    1. I thought bruh might be brother but it just comes out like a noise! (a very irritating one at that). I've heard of peng but mine don't use it...yet... You are right though, we should applaud their creativity (and then hope they use it in GCSE English). ;)

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  6. Oh my goodness, I love this post so much....particularly your sign off at the end! I can't believe how much I've just learnt, I need to find a teenager to practice on now, although that probably wouldn't make me very swag and they'd bruh and track away. Can you track away? #ftmob Lucy at occupation:(m)other

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    1. Thank you Lucy! It's a whole new world isn't it? I sometimes think that it's on a par with the things toddlers come out with, only toddlers don't steal your deodorant and slam doors in your face... No idea whether you can track away, as I say, whole new world...

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  7. Haha I love this! It drives me mad when teens use these words but what I really can't stand is when grown adults use these words like they're words they always use. Instead of mutton dressed as lamb it's mutton trying to talk like lamb haha 😂 X

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    1. I agree! Besides it's far more fun if you and a fellow adult converse purely in teen speak in front of the teens - really gets them annoyed for some reason ;)

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  8. Haha love your 'teen speak' lessons.

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    1. Thanks! I wrote this just for you, you know ;)

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  9. Haha I love this. I'm 26 so I presumed I was still young enough to understand all the slang terms, however my teenage sisters started referring to everything being 'savage' the other day, a word that I wouldn't have really used for the situation (one sister's eyebrows were a little too 'surprised' looking so other sister said they were savage). In this moment it broke my heart a little to realise that im now at that age where I'm listening in on teenage conversations and wondering WTF are they talking about ��
    Oh just one I can clarify though, the 'goals' part of SquadGoals basically means that is what to aspire to, like Taylor Swift and Calvin Harris cuddling on a beach is RelationshipGoals

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    1. I've heard of savage! Not one my pair use currently (probably only a matter of time). It does make you feel old though doesn't it? Thanks for clarifying goals. When I asked my teen girl she just said "it's goals mum, y'know GOALS!", like that explains it! :/

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  10. Ha ha we have most of these. Homeslice though? Well, I'm going to start using that one, and she'll be proper impressed that I used it first.

    Anyway, tracks. xxx :)

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    1. Ahh I knew I could rely on you Kerrie - you're my homeslice! ;)

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  11. Ha ha this is so funny, yet scary. I have heard 'bae' quite a lot but didn't know the origin, thanks for clearing that up for me! #ftmob

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    1. You are very welcome! It's such a minefield when they get older - you teach them to speak and then they abuse it by changing the meanings of everything!

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  12. Calm: means it is good. I learnt about it when teaching A2 Maths, the question was apparently "calm". I thought to myself, it was about Statics so it must be calm. Turned out it meant to be good and they enjoyed my question/teaching.

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    1. Ahh, that's nice! I'm liking calm, although I sometimes wish my teens were... ;)

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  13. Ha Ha this is brilliant.

    If you get a Homeslice t-shirt printed order some extra. I'll def buy one off you. You could get Swag on the back lol
    #ftmob

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    1. Thank you! That is a brilliant idea! Watch this space... ;)

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  14. My teenagers conversation seems to consist of patch, actual and ooft with the occasional snake thrown in for good measure.

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    1. That has completely confused me, you have my absolute sympathy! :)

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  15. I love the way teenage language is so constantly evolving (although that is easy to say when I don't have any - no doubt when I do it will drive me insane trying to decipher it all!) Sick always throws me completely - it sounds so odd hearing it used to describe something being awesome. I do quite like homeslice though and like your idea of applying "tracks" to other things. My tween nieces come out with a couple of these - no doubt when they actually hit their teens it will all have changed again. Thanks for deciphering and for linking up with #ftmob :-)

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    1. Thanks for hosting Louise! Sick is just completely wrong isn't it? Homeslice is brilliant and I love the literal nature of it - really makes me smile :)

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  16. Haha! I think this post might be on fleek! As I parent toddlers currently, I think I possibly already am doing the just screaming a single word that I want them to do at them thing! 'SIT!' mostly, probably! I don't know much about this teen-speak, but I do know that Justin Beiber is NOT bae, & anyone who thinks he is is not swag, on fleek or sick! I think I've nailed this (but angered teens everywhere by insulting Beiber). #ftmob

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    1. You have totally nailed this! And you are right about Bieber too! ;)

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  17. This is so awesome (or sick) and now I can be down with the kids (or have swag)....I fear I sound really old now...I will have to go comfort eat some homeslice. Honestly this is perfect for the teens at work - I never knew some of these words existed and now I don't have to look so sad in front of them. Do they still use the word 'sad' or is that just reserved for those who were teens in the 90s?

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    1. Haha, thanks! I think sad isn't used any more. I have since been banned from using any of these words in front of my teens. Apparently I'm too old to use them. More rules. *sigh*

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  18. I was just saying to my husband that I really, really hate 'on fleek'. I'm 28 bed don't have teenage children but I hear a lot of people saying it and it winds me up so much, why do teenagers just make up words?! Although we used to use home slice when we were teens so some things don't change so much!

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    1. I don't understand on fleek. It isn't really a proper word is it? I don't even understand how they come up with this stuff either. Blooming ridiculous!

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  19. some of the words are new to me, but I'm sure they and their own set of words for similar things, my boys range in age from 17-26, but 'sick' has been around now for quite some time now with the same meaning, popping over from Britmums tweens and teens

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