Thursday, 24 September 2015

New Teen Delivery - a guide

Thank you for your recent order for your new teen, girl model (early years).

As an existing customer of ours we understand that you are already familiar with some of our other teen models, however the following guide will address the additional features specific to your new teen, girl model.

Packaging and optional extras

Your new teen (girl model) has been packaged with the optional pierced ear attachments.  Moving on from the pre-teen years, this model is now proficient in the removal and replacing of ear adornments, however owners may notice that when the updated model has been lying down for some time that small parts may become detached temporarily.  Your new teen may become distressed at this, however missing parts can usually be found tangled in your teen's hair.  Alternatively replacement earring backs can be purchased from any branch of Claire's Accessories.

Temperament

Your teen, girl model (early years) has been issued with a varying temperament.  The fluctuations of which can be anybody's guess.  Users may note that removal of internet based devices can be a trigger for extreme anger in this model.  Because of this, we advise that the mobile phone interface should be plugged in at all times and credit topped up just in case.

Hand-me-down Moan Chip

This feature allows the teen to communicate with users in a unique manner regarding their disapproval of being given a P.E top previously owned by an existing teen model.  This also works with barely worn Converse trainers and other outgrown items of perfectly acceptable clothing.  Users should be aware that the usual command, "I'm not made of money, you know!" has little effect on this model.  This is especially so when they are schooled alongside 'deluxe' teen girl models.

Should you wish, you may upgrade to our 'deluxe' model at any time, but it will cost you.

Interaction with existing teen units and users

Very little spontaneous interaction can be expected between this model and any other models that you may own.  We have added a handy feature that allows any teen units from the same household to track each other on the way home from High School, so as to avoid crossing each other's paths and jeopardising this.  There is a standard 10 second delay between the arrival home of one unit and another.  This setting cannot be altered.

Users should also be aware that following your teen, girl model (early years) on any form of social media is strictly forbidden.  Doing this will result in a 'blank screen of death' on your new teen.  You can try rebooting and unfollowing but this usually has no effect.

Never do this...

Foreign Language Chip

Your new teen has been fitted with the foreign language chip (street version) to enable them to interact with similar models while at school/using social media.  Users cannot however, enjoy interacting with their new teen using similar language (see 'blank screen of death' in the interaction section above).

In particular, use of the following words are ill advised:

Swag
YOLO
Banter
Bae
Bruh

No, we have no idea what these mean either.  It may be some sort of binary code anomaly and our programmers are currently working on a fix for this (estimated to be available to download during the start of the adult years).

We hope that you continue to enjoy your new teen, girl model (early years) and once again thank you for choosing this model.

We look forward to your continued custom.

Teenagers Inc. (est.  2013)

4 comments:

  1. Absolutely brilliant! I can't begin to tell you how much I love this :)

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  2. hahaha! This is brilliant...My girl has just entered her teenage yeas so can relate to this. lol

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    Replies
    1. Thanks, Kim. What a nightmare it all is eh? They don't tell you any of this stuff when your children are small! xx

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