Anyway, birthdays are great on the whole. Presents, booze, nice food. Better perhaps before children when you could actually go out, I mean, out out, without lamenting the price of a pint these days, or needing to get back for the babysitter.
Since having children, birthdays have become a quieter affair. Less fun in some ways.
This doesn't matter to me so much, but what is slightly annoying is that ten years ago when I gave birth to my third child, approximately 25 minutes before the end of my 31st birthday, I have had to share the day ever since.
Ultimately this cramps my style.
Here are the things that will happen when you share your birthday with your kid:
You will never get a lie in. You have to get up at the crack of dawn to take their presents out of hiding and watch adoringly as they then open them. No coffee in bed ever.
Presents, what presents? You get nothing for yourself. You have spent all of your money on Lego and XBox games so there are no funds left for new shoes and handbags or even a sodding Yankee Candle FGS.
You will spend more time behind the camera than in front of it. There are no photos of me on my birthday since I turned 31. This could be seen as a good thing when you consider my advancing age but I like photos! Actually I lie, I am in photos. Or at least, my hands are as I place the novelty cake on the kitchen table for the tenth year in a row...
Or in soft play. Oh yes, soft play. Just where every woman in her prime wants to spend her birthday. Shinning up a brightly coloured padded cell after a child who is basically part mountain goat to rescue them before they break their necks. AND they don't even serve gin or prosecco in there. FML.
The day before will always be spent baking a novelty cake. Pinterest-tastic. Have any of those pinners tried to mould fondant icing into a CBeebies character in 30 degree heat, in July? Well, have they?
But it isn't all that bad...
You get to eat a picnic tea (with wine). #winning (or should that be #wineing?)
You can spend the day playing with toys/building Lego. I quite like doing this, but I get really annoyed when I have to share the instructions with the kids. Just don't interrupt me until I've finished the Imperial Star Destroyer, OK? See, everything is awesome.
Or going on the big slide in soft play. I can beat anyone to the bottom. Race you?
You get to eat novelty character birthday cake. I am totally sure that bright green icing is calorie free and is possibly even a superfood. Or something.
Birthday fun of the grown-up kind might be a bit thin on the ground these days but who really cares?
Because let's face it, who doesn't want to behave like a kid on their birthday?