As is every other night in our household. Apparently.
And what's worse is that since half term started the arguments between my children have been more and more frequent. It's like they have totally forgotten how to get on with one another for any length of time at all.
It drives me bonkers.
Not because my children row with each other, but more because whatever they argue about is really really trivial stuff. You'd think by the ferocity of their arguments that they were the latest competitors in the Hunger Games or something but the subject of each dispute is usually something laughable rather than life threatening.
So here to illustrate, is a selection of the most ridiculous quarrels we've had over the past week.
Back seat of DHs car
The twins row over who sits where in the back seat of DHs car. You may be thinking that it is some flashy big modern car with loads of cool gadgets inside it but it is not. It is a small silver hatchback and the most luxurious thing about it is that the front seats have headrests.
So why are they both so keen to be the one who gets to choose where to sit?
Because there is a small lift up section in the plastic moulding of the car's interior. I'm guessing that it's some kind of cup holder and rubbish receptacle combo (there's another cup holder in the floor just behind the handbrake that they haven't yet spotted - yes, it really is that much of a no frills car).
There is nothing inside it but for some reason they like it.
The rows that result from one child getting there before the other have been known to last for hours - there have even some times been complete refusals to get out of the car and go to school when the fallout has been particularly bad.
He/She is in my room
This is not even a room sharing argument (that's a whole different thing, believe me). No, this stems from the fact that nobody, not even me, can walk past, or even rest a hand on the doorframe of the teen's room without being yelled at. Put a foot inside the door and the yelling increases as he protects his den as if he were a grizzly bear.
I have pointed out that walking past and touching the door frame doesn't actually constitute being in the room but this has fallen on deaf ears. Presumably they are deaf because of all the shouting he does.
What is he doing in there anyway? You know what? I don't even want to know.
He/She moved my Lego
Because its sacred/fragile/littered all over the floor, whatever. To me it just looks like bits of Lego but to nine year old DS2 it is precious and cannot be moved, even if the mover of said lego just wants to walk from one side of the room to the other.
Instead we are expected to participate in a version of carpet parkour which is not easy when you have an armful of clean school uniform to deposit in the wardrobe at the end of the room.
He is nearly ten so entering the realms of the preteen, maybe once he hits the teenage years he'll shout at me to get out of the room like his brother does and so I'll be spared running the Lego paved gauntlet.
He/She is looking at me
How this is even featuring as a row I'll never know. It's a wonder any of the older three children can prize themselves away from tablets, phones and consoles for long enough to a) look at another person and b) tell whether another person is looking at them, and yet they can, and it's a crime. It hasn't yet escalated to hand to hand combat to settle this particular dispute which is a blessing at least.
He/She is racing me and it isn't a race
Am I the only person who can't walk to the car with more than one child without them racing/not racing each other and then one having a melt down when they didn't win/didn't want to win? One child even walloped another because of winning the non-race once. It was a real WTF moment in my parenting career. I have no answers for this one. Not one.
All of it.
Not a day has gone by without a major fight occurring because someone has blown up someone else's world, destroyed the thing they were building, turned their pig into pork chops, or lost their horse. Tears and tantrums last all day because of this.
And the most ridiculous part is...
IT ISN'T EVEN REAL FFS!!!
And then the next minute everything calms down as quickly as it started and they are the best of friends again (until someone looks at someone else wrong or kicks their Lego across the room).
But me? What about me?
My blood pressure is sky high, I've started drinking wine again and I'm wondering what it is that I was so looking forward to about the start of the holidays. (Oh yes, spending time with my lovely, happy children)
On Monday morning they are all out of here. Back to
District 12 school. Normality.
Until *whispers* the six week summer holiday *screams inwardly*
When I will consider taking up yoga but will probably turn to wine again.
Yes, wine is the answer.
Happy end of half term everyone - may the rosè be ever in your favour ;)