I haven't played one in years (well, unless you count the time I thrashed DH at Trivial Pursuits and made him cry
Anyway, on an episode of The Apprentice a few weeks ago, Lord Sugar tasked his apprentices with inventing and marketing a new board game. With my love of such things I reckon I'd be good at that. So with Christmas looming I thought I'd make a start by giving a festive twist to some of the classic board games and update them for modern families everywhere...
1. House Trap
You are stuck in a house for a week with your nearest and dearest. The winner of this game is the first person to last the whole week without losing their temper over whose turn it is to load the dishwasher, feed the in-laws or answer the front door to the Rotary Club charity collectors.
2. Trivial Parents
Spending the Christmas holidays with your parents who only have two topics of conversation. The winner of this game is the first person to change the subject successfully for more than 20 minutes. The loser is the person who gets stuck looking at holiday snaps from their latest jaunt with SAGA for the rest of the day.
The large floater in the main bathroom with use of toilet roll (this time, thank god) but not necessarily sure about any hand washing. The question, as always - Who done it? Players are reluctant to own up and so you must use your inner most detective skills to find the culprit. The game that only a Christmas spent with small children can deliver.
Same present two years running. The winner is the gift giver and not the recipient, obviously. Special points can be awarded to family members who manage to buy their gifts on 3 for 2 deals without getting rumbled on the big day. (And I KNOW this isn't strictly a board game, but work with me here?)
5. Angry Hippos
Tescos, the day after boxing day. Who will get the last loaf of bread and the bargain reduced price crackers (for next year, naturally)? The winner is the first person through the checkout without getting trampled by the angry hippos, who despite not having stopped eating for the last three days, still need to fill their trolleys with enough food to feed about 36 teenage boys.
As you can see, I would have been all over this task if I were a contestant on The Apprentice and probably won, so Lord Sugar, are you going to give me a job?