2. Your back garden looks like the ELC summer catalogue. All year round.
3. Your dining table has an oddly coloured leg, as if someone has coloured it in with felt tip pens (everybody knows the blue ones never quite come out).
4. You cannot be alone for a second. You get dressed so quickly in the mornings (before they force their way into your bedroom) that you don't realise you have your underwear on inside out until you finally manage to go to the toilet (alone, for the first time that day!) at 4.30 pm.
5. You have a supply of gin in the kitchen cupboard.
6. Behind the gin there's a secret stash of chocolate too (or underneath the salad drawers in the fridge, they never look there).
7. You have to eat the secret chocolate with your head inside the cupboard/fridge very quickly so that they don't realise you have food in your mouth. This moment will almost certainly coincide with the question "Mummy, what are you doing?".
8. Your mascara has a bent wand because someone used it to "get ready" by jabbing their face repeatedly with it while you were attending to point 3.
9. All of your favourite lip balms have a deep finger print in the middle, also half the original contents have been scooped out. You are yet to find where they ended up. This also may apply to freshly baked cakes and bread, except you know where the contents of those most definitely have ended up.
10. You get through so much milk that you wonder whether it might be more cost effective to buy a dairy cow.
11. Every piece of furniture you buy has to be wipeable or have a removable, washable cover (ditto floor coverings). If they have both, you consider this to be an added advantage (see point 3).
12. Despite all of the above you feel permanently broody and think that this would be the optimum time to add to the family.*
*apart from me, not this time, no, no, no, no, no...**
** absolutely not, dh if you are reading this.